Brent will attest to the fact that I've been having a bit of a mental breakdown lately about our lives. Part of this is about the kids - I want them to love Jesus and to show that love to others through their kindness; I want them to eat healthy; I want them to want to participate in volunteer work & humanitarian projects because they realize we have it SO good; I want them not to be into video games & TV. I'm falling so short!
Then, part of it is about me - I want to put Jesus first in my life, show it through patience and kindness, and not get so sucked into materialism and TV, and to use my life and career to help people. I am doing a terrible job!
I am starting to feel overwhelmed by it all. More and more, I have been thinking about how rough people have things in other countries. When my kids loved the song from Hotel Rwanda, I tried to explain to them what happened there. When they heard a song from an artist from Somalia, I tried to explain about life there. I think about Slumdog Millionaire and a friend who just got back from India said how terrible it was for the poor community there. I just finished reading Three Cups of Tea and am midway through reading Leaving Microsoft to Change the World and I am so inspired by people who gave up their careers and lives to DO something. My cousins just got back from Africa and their description of the impoverished kids they worked with is heartbreaking. I think about Haiti, and how most people don't have clean water, and how many women give up their children because they can't support them, and I just saw something aboout CHILD SLAVES IN HAITI and I just feel overwhelmed.
I feel so comfortable and it makes me try to reshift my priorities, but I find such a struggle between this pull to do something to help people and this desire to give my kids a nice house, extracurricular activities, opportunities to go to college, etc.
What is the right thing?? This is probably something many people struggle with but I just have to continue to pray that God will show me if I need to make a big shift in life. Thankfully, Brent is right there with me, neither of us pretending to know what life may bring our way, but open to the possibilities.
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Just remember that charity begins at home. Don't underestimate the power of your loving and caring natures as it reaches through your children to the generations that will come. You can't solve the problems in Haiti or Somalia or Rowanda, but you can educate yourselves and your children about the problems and be as involved as best you can as you were about to do in Haiti this summer. Don't spend money frivolously but remember your kids need to feel accepted as they grow older, and they will want to go to school events where they will feel out of place if they don't have some semblence of being part of the norm. Don't overdo putting your money into service to others if you are going to deny your family, but do remember to teach them about modesty in all things. Just allow the tv for certain times. There is much that is good as well as bad about having one. And, most of all, teach the children that sacrifice and service for others is the same as serving Jesus and exemplies his sacrifice and service for all of us. Also remember you can only run as far as your energy will allow. You have to take time for yourselves. If, at the end of the day, you have given what you can to have a happy and loving home, and you share what you can with others, Jesus will sanctify you and fill your souls with joy. Also, remember that it will not be easy. How one reacts to the problems that arise (and they will) will build the character that is worthy of God's kingdom.
Enough moralizing. I simply believe what I have said is true, and, Jessica, I don't want you to have a mental breakdown. Be compassionate and caring, but don't take on the burdens of the world. If you have taught correct principles to your children, you can grieve if they fall away, but the burden is not yours. Children from loving homes usually come back.
I love you all.
Another thought: Remember that Jesus suffered himself when he sweat blood in Gethsemane and gave his life freely on the cross. He took on the burdens and sins of all mankind so that through grace, repentence, and living as Christlike as possible (one step at time) we could return to him and the Father and have joy in this life and throughout all eternity.
To wrestle with such weighty matters, dear daughter, shows the depth of your heart. The Lord honors that. He loves you dearly and He will walk these passionate desires with you and guide you in the way you should go. The fact that you and Brent are on the same page is such a blessing as you will both "hear" together. As we walk, as we go by the way in life, He will use an open heart such as yourself. How wonderful and marvelous are His ways. Before your days were lived out, He ordained them already! (Psalm 139)
The love you have inside will shine on whoever you meet along the way.
Love, Mom
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